I think I miss you most on Wedensdays and Saturdays

I was laid with some heavy news today, it shouldn't even effect me really but somehow I feel like everything is changed. It seems while I'm trying to live my own life other people are creating not only a new life, but growing someone to live it with them. man. I'm supportive but it just doesn't feel right. Maybe I'm being selfish I don't know. Did it have to be her, I mean it will be cute as hell I don't doubt that but my god why did it have to be her? I know I shouldnt be feeling these things. When I found out thought it shocked me completely I mean... I don't know. Help me?

"I'm losing you and its efortless"

For the longest time I have tried my hardest to hang on to the part of me who was absolutly in love with life. The me that had been the life of the part. Shes left though, I lost her and it was completely effortless and it hurts like hell. I mean physically hurts. The last part left me today though, the part of me that could do WHATEVER, WHENEVER and did not give a damn about anything. I guess maybe that person is still apart of me but it's like... I called a friend a man whore. I really did that. And I was angry at him for being that way but even more angry at the fact that I said it. How dare I say that! Especially after last year where... well just ask Kim. I mean I've become that person who judges others and doesn't think a think about it. Maybe I just miss it. I mean my life down there was amazing. Every weekend was litterally a party and now that I'm here it just hurts. Oh how I want so badly to just graduate and be done with high school. To be done with all of it. sigh

Worn Thin

Ugh... it seems no matter how often I leave town and take a break, I still feel like I'm worn thin. Then there's zach and that whole thing right there is enough to make me scratch my head and sigh aloud. Just the same though, I do love him, and he helps me escape a bit. Is this what it is like being a senior? God I hope not, I dont know if I can handel two more months of this. So today is Yings birthday, happy birthday ying, I miss you. I think she knows that though. So theres this book banning thing at the library. A grafic novel (like a comic book) has caused some up roar. I'll be honest though, it is a bit racy for a book, I mean not only was it written but it was pictures. hmmm.