alone

I chose this life, I chose to be the one who doesnt really belong, the one who left and never and really came back, the one who's just waiting to up and leave again. I'm the one who chose to be and do all of these things. Then why in the hell does it hurt so bad when I'm alone? Why does it feel like an insult when I'm counted out, when I'm not included? I know that by leaving I'm just secluding myself from the rest of the world even more, but I cant stay here, as you can tell, it's killing me