so yea

Ugh.... Ive been in Europe since may and its been good. Spain was okay, and Paris was absolutly amazing, I really loved it. so far Dublin has been going good as well, mostly Ive just been drinking, which sounds bad and it is but Ive been having a good time. Anyway... boys are stupid, its quiet funny. When a girl and a few guys are just hanging out, its not a big deal, its whatever, but then the girl friend comes around and they act completely different. Im sorry but I think thats bull shit. I mean if I was dating a guy I wouldnt flirt with guys or whatever and then act differently when my sig. other was around. I mean Id just be me and if people cant take that, its not my fucking problem. Part of me is ready to go home, a very very small part, the part deep inside, but then theres another part that cant even imagine how much I will miss Spain and being completely free of rules. Maybe this is growing up... I need more money, I need to get a job.... arg

alone

I chose this life, I chose to be the one who doesnt really belong, the one who left and never and really came back, the one who's just waiting to up and leave again. I'm the one who chose to be and do all of these things. Then why in the hell does it hurt so bad when I'm alone? Why does it feel like an insult when I'm counted out, when I'm not included? I know that by leaving I'm just secluding myself from the rest of the world even more, but I cant stay here, as you can tell, it's killing me

Sadly... me weight has slipped back into the 180 range and while I havent weighed myself since spring break I know that I'm still in that range. I went for a jog/walk through the park, and over to park street and back. It felt good. My ultimate goal is 150 by May 15th. That means I will have to kick my ass. I'm going to go for another walk again tonight, or I might go to the YMCA, it depends on when I get home. And tomorrow I know I will go to the YMCA, by Tuesday I want to be atleast 179 (assuming Im 182 now)

A-Rab

I've never really dated anyone... I mean even with all the expierence I've had en um... bed. The only people I can ever recal "dating" is Oscar, and Seth, and we never really even went on an offical date. So here I am with... we'll call him Ehm. I met him at a bar.... go figure. And we've dated a few times, then the other night I stayed at his place and nothing happened but a really good sleep and some great cuddeling and well of course making out. Well the next morning... or atleast three hours later things happen and I make a stupid choice and well things hulted... but to any of you who even read this (im not sure I have an audience anymore) we didn't have sex. Well something happened, he got pissed and I COMPLETELY understand why. So I agreed to leave him alone for the weekend but here I am a bit tipsy and I texted him and he said he's call me later, so should I believe that or not? I guess we shall see in the morning. He once said "I only call girls I like" maybe he'll call me.... I know this is dumb and I know it's only been a few weeks but I hope he calls. I really do.

Arabian Nights

He yelled at me, and told me that I don't understand... maybe I didn't. I mean it was two in the morning, I generally don't understand alot of things at that hour. I believe I said "Stop yelling at me!" and I know I wasn't using my everyday sweet voice. It was probably a little bit of angry, tired, exhausted, and worried. He was getting in a fight, in public and he was drunk. I'm sure it wouldn't take much to get him kicked out of the country if the cops got envolved. Would I miss him though? It did happen to cross my mind last night when I went to bed, not waiting for him to call me back (which he never did). On top of that... I don't want to talk to him! But then again, he does maybe need to know that I am pissed about what happened last night. So... I wasn't sure about how to tell him I was angry without telling him I was angry. It pretty much came down to me texting him saying "you were not very nice last night" and that makes me sound like im repremanding a child. Well that's all I got. Ciao

Racism

I apologize if this affends anyone... if the right people read it... I know it will. I was raised to not be prejudice I was raised to believe that we are all created the same. When I get angry though... I throw shit and scream aloud. When my roommate gets angry it becomes threats and finger waving. Granted, she's black and so somehow their anger seems so much more bigger. I have no idea why. It's not just my roommate who's been like this, her DA gay friend showed me the same lack of respect. I hate that I'm using words in a way of sterotype because normally it's not like me... at all. But here I am talking about my angry black roommate and her dumbass black gay friend across the hall. So how did I become like this? Like my father :s. Even mexico made me a tad bit more racist. I know not all black people are the same, I've had some great friends as such. So where do you seperate fact from fiction?

Racism

I apologize if this affends anyone... if the right people read it... I know it will. I was raised to not be prejudice I was raised to believe that we are all created the same. When I get angry though... I throw shit and scream aloud. When my roommate gets angry it becomes threats and finger waving. Granted, she's black and so somehow their anger seems so much more bigger. I have no idea why. It's not just my roommate who's been like this, her DA gay friend showed me the same lack of respect. I hate that I'm using words in a way of sterotype because normally it's not like me... at all. But here I am talking about my angry black roommate and her dumbass black gay friend across the hall. So how did I become like this? Like my father :s. Even mexico made me a tad bit more racist. I know not all black people are the same, I've had some great friends as such. So where do you seperate fact from fiction?

Sex

It's a three letter word. Short and sweet but very seldom all that simple. It can change a persons life or simply fill a temporary need. It comes with baggage and a luggage rack. It's a mistake, but a wanted one. How can such a small word bring on so many feeling and so many thoughts, so many complications? One reason it's not meant to be taken lightly and even when it is, it comes back to bite you in the ass. Beware my friends sex is a dangerous thing that should not be messed with without knowing the reprocushions.